Martha’s story
Martha Turner
My name is Martha and I want to share my anorexia story. I was diagnosed with anorexia when I was 13 after doctors noticed my food restriction and weight loss. I was unaware what an eating disorder was and at this point I was in denial that I was ill as my eating disorder developed so sneakily and gradually.
I was diagnosed autistic at the age of 14 and it became clear that my eating disorder had developed from a feeling of not fitting in at school and the desire for control in my life. As I physically deteriorated I had countless admissions in and out of a children’s ward. I began therapy and eventually returned to school but I still hadn’t sorted out the root cause of my illness. As I got older my eating disorder crept back in due to going through difficult events in my life.
My eating disorder led me to lie and hide how much I was struggling as I continued school and began a job. It all got too much and I was admitted to a ward again this time for a longer time. Unfortunately being surrounded by so many other poorly people I just became worse. I wasn’t given enough support for my mental health; they were only supporting me physically.
The transition to an adult ward was extremely hard, so much change when all I wanted was control. I found the focus on BMI in adult services so consuming and it only led to many more admissions where I was making no progress. I was labelled chronic and non compliant and I felt that professionals were giving up on me.
I was then transferred to Ellern Mede where I started a 14 month admission. It was the hardest admission yet and for months I made no progress. But with the combination of therapy and the focus on my feelings, I began to improve and actually want recovery. They gave me the time to make very gradual steps forward and I finally felt understood. They weight restored me which was so hard but I now see that that’s what I needed to help me think clearly about my recovery and the life I want.
I was then moved to a step down placement. I was finding myself again and I began to see that there is good in life after so many years of struggles. I began to take a lead on my food and gradually moved away from the strict rules I’d had for years. Whilst anorexia isn’t fully gone I’ve learnt to manage my thoughts and balance them with a heathier relationship with food and my body.
‘My main message is that nobody should ever be given up on and recovery is possible. My past doesn’t define me and I can finally be Martha again not anorexia.’